Sports

Forgive Me Please!

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So over the weekend I hit an ultimate low. I watched the gayest thing ever. I think I may have to turn in my man card. Yes, I watched the USA Vs. Ghana soccer match. They picture above says it all. “Don’t fret man I just inspected your package and it’s OK”. I apologize to men everywhere and promise to never do this again. I have failed as a sports fan and a man.

As I watched and even rooted for the USA team, I grew disappointed in myself. Not only for watching soccer, but also for thinking the USA team could win. We need to stick to real sports. To the ones we are good at. Sorry soccer fans, but any sport that has this much flopping losses its title as a real sport. As I sat and watched Ghana flop every 2 seconds during the over time I came to the conclusion they there must be a sniper in the building or something because these guys are acting like they got shot.

This is the most girly sport ever errrr I mean it’s the worlds sport. I want to know who the heck deemed soccer “the world’s sport”! Because whoever did needs their balls cut off. I mean look at these Ghanaian fakers. After they went up in over time they would fall down and have the army-like Stretcher guys come out and take them off the field just to take time off the clock. This is worse than if Steve Nash, Anderson Varejao, and Derek Fisher were all on the same team. Really these guys should be actors. I seriously thought one was going to die.

After the game was over I knew I had wasted valuable time, but was very sentimental. The game had affected me so much I almost turned on a sappy romance movie. Then I came to my senses and watched a rerun of a college basketball game. After that I was back and feeling it so much I watched sports/fight movies and played video games the rest of the day. I was back to being a man, but came ever so close to losing it. Men everywhere need to here this: soccer can change you forever. Never watch any soccer game ever again.

Seriously though, why is ESPN shoving this down our throats? I was watching Wipe Out last night and they even mentioned to tune into the world cup on ESPN. I know it’s all about money for ESPN, but they are seriously trying to make sissies out of guys everywhere. They need to stick to the real sports like football, baseball, and basketball. Shoot, even golf and racing are better than this crap. I would rather watch the LeBron countdown clock to free agency than the World Cup.

So I am apologizing to sports fans and men everywhere, and am asking that my man card not be taken away. I will make a promise to never watch soccer on TV again. I will do whatever it takes to make this up to all sports fans! I know Soccer fans are going to be pissed with me, but I had to get this out in the open in hopes of saving men everywhere from becoming ball less.