Politics

The Magic Hate Ball

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The GOP has a knack for finding the right people for us to hate.  Sure there are a million reasons to hate any asshole off the street, but it’s better for us to all agree to hate the same people at the same time.

You can see the history of the GOP hate machine below.

• In 2004, it was those damned gays with their butt sex, their need to marry, and immaculate fashion sense.  Back in the day, I was fuming.  After the election, I forgot all about it, because it had no real impact on my life.
• In 2006, it was the illegal immigrants with their strong work ethic, incredible fence scaling abilities and dreams of a better life.  Damn it.  I was so angry I didn’t want eat any of the food in my kitchen that they processed or picked, until I realized I’d starve.
• In 2008, it was the socialists, with their unions, coupled with an uncontrollable need to feed hungry people and build social safety nets.  Really, thinking back, it just makes me sick, all those Americans getting handout money that could be put to better use buying more jet fighters for Israel.
• It’s now 2010 and the GOP is at it again.  This time, it’s the Muslims.  They don’t eat pork, every one of them is responsible for 911 and they pray to their god more than I do.  I’ll be damned if we’re outdone by anyone, at anything.  AMERICA IS ALWAYS NUMBER 1!

You can either wait to find out who you’re supposed to hate, buying all your bumper stickers and t-shirts at the last moment, getting gouged by your local freedom paraphernalia dealer or you can listen to my Magic Hate Ball.  Here’s what it says.

2012

BB: Oh, Magic Hate Ball who will receive our anger in 2012?

Magic Hate Ball: While normally you try to coexist, in 2012 it’s the godless atheist.

BB: That seems like a good fit.  I can see that happening.  What will bring this about?

Magic Hate Ball: You should know this, Fox News subscriber. They’re eroding away our moral fiber.

2014

BB: Hate Ball, your prophecy is sound.  Who will anger us in 2014?

Magic Hate Ball: Hate will fill you through and through.  You will detest the humble Jew.

BB: What will be the reasoning behind this, given the ugly face of anti-Semitism?  How will we be swayed?

Magic Hate Ball: To answer this, you need no scholar.  The catalyst for the rift will be the dollar.

2016

BB: Fair enough.  Who gets it in 2016?

Magic Hate Ball: It will anger you to your very core.  The ultimate evil will be the poor.

BB: Interesting.  How will we be sold?

Magic Hate Ball: They use your tax money, which took time and work.  Not getting some makes you feel like a jerk.

2020

BB: Let’s skip ahead to another presidential election year.  The year is 2020, who will be the source of our hostility.

Magic Hate Ball: Although my vision is getting hazy, I see you hating blacks for being lazy.

BB: That seems perfectly plausible.  What will be the outcome?

Magic Hate Ball: You’ll wave your flag. You’ll bitch and moan, but in the end, you’ll lose your throne.

2040

BB: That’s a little disconcerting.  Oh, Magic Hate Ball I must know, which group will be the whipping boy for 2040?

Magic Hate Ball: Demographics have changed, you’re in the minority.  The enemy is you in 2040.