Oddities
Get Creepy…Fast
Being creepy can be off-putting for those that find the behavior unwarranted, but creeps have had a successful run over the years in bars, parties, churches, even in schools. We all remember that kid in high school, with the scraggly mustache, wearing a flannel shirt, like he worked in an auto shop. He was only 17, but could pass for a 42 year-old man. God, just describing myself, I mean him, gave me the chills.
Well, if you want to step up your game, this list is for you. It will amp up your creep level and give you instantaneous recognition.
- Make the right impression. Avoid a clean haircut. You want that “wild man look”. If it has to be clean, make it awkward by getting an uneven cut. Asymmetry is the key.
- Don’t be afraid to show it off. Although it’s the current rage, skinny jeans can help you achieve this look, but it has to be regular blue jeans. You want them tight, up top, so erections can be easily noticed. We want the target of your creeping to, readily, acknowledge you as the disgusting pig you are.
- Clothes make the man. Flannel has been the key to my success, but it’s not necissary. An alternative could be one of those printed shirts with a fake gold chain on it. If you decided to go this route, skinny jeans are mandatory. The only other combination allowed would be denim shorts with black socks, but they also have to be the correct size or one size smaller than what you normally wear.
- Mustaches are the new black. The mustache (or molestache) is a must-have. It can serve as the centerpiece for creep talk like, “Wanna a mustache ride?” or “I have some candy back at my place.” or you can just stare from across the room. That’s the beauty of mustaches, they can communicate so many things, without saying a word.
- Don’t forget to accessorize. Using a pair of non-mainstream glasses will really put the creep in your game. Round ones seem to work best, but this is, by no means, a rule. Never underestimate transition lenses, especially, in a night club. The secret is to bring a flashlight and shine it on them, in a bathroom, then go back out to the bar with them tinted.
The goal is simple, but some need help in becoming the ultimate in creepy. I hope these tips will get you started on your quest. If you have any additional tips, add them to the comments, below.
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6. Love at first sight. The creep stare brings the whole package together. Some are just naturals, but if you aren’t giving off the eerie vibe, heavily enough, the stare may be keeping you from reaching your full potential. Practice in the mirror, take pointers from veteran creeps, whatever you have to do, perfect your stare.
7. You can tell a lot about a man, by his shoes. A creep’s shoes should say, “I can hike through the woods and bury a body.” Anything with durable soles and a decent tread pattern should work. They can be fashionable, but functionality is the main focus.
8. Post inspirational messages on your facebook/twitter accounts – it is important that as a creep you make people think you are deep and inspirational. This way when a body goes missing people don’t look my way… er uh… your way
If those shoes are a little scuffed in unusual places that will be a huge help too!
9. Don’t forget the time honored “rub your crotch while giving them the elevator ride with your eyes” approach. Instant creepiness no matter how uncreepy you might be.