Oddities

Celebrating Shark Week Part 2: Racial Tensions

---

Shark Week is about celebrating all kinds of sharks around the world from different oceans and bringing them together regardless of skin color or origin. The other 51 weeks during the year is pure racism and hell as sharks from different pigments fight for territory, fame, and in some cases over nothing but simple differences. Like humans, sharks have a multitude of minor differences from nose shapes, colors, and simple spots. There lies within the basis of racial tensions from those differences. For this article I reached out to Todd Wilkerson, founder of the Sharks of Color Movement which is a non-profit for ending the senseless fighting over the Great Racial Divide.

Todd began telling me about the Great White shark and how it uses slurs against almost all other sharks because of their size, for example, one of it’s more famous quote by Jeffery the Great White is “You don’t see any Great Blacks do you?”. Once the Great White started a beef against the Hammer Head for saying it looked like he was trying to swallow a giant dildo the wrong way and it got stuck. I guess the ending spout of “Dildo Mouth” didn’t help relations, along with Jeffery biting a Swatzstika into the side of the Hammerhead just to finish the point. The Great Whites in the ocean today have the biggest racial tensions between the black sharks where consistent fighting and eating occurs after hostile encounters take place.

I sat down with Todd for a bit more insight into the racial problems under the sea.

2kgs: “So are there real problems between different species?”

Todd: “These assholes don’t take kindly to new color in the region. Normally, behavior like gang-related shark wars are common just because someone’s spots aren’t in the right place. Just take the Maco shark known as the redneck of the Ocean eating anything and putting trash all over the reefs.”

2kgs: “A redneck shark?”

Todd: “The damn shark sleeps with direct family members and he is grey and shit like he is better than everyone else but really the inbred fucker doesn’t know when to quit.”

2kgs: “Todd, I am going on the limb here but do you have personal issues as well with some of these sharks?”

Todd: “Nah, as long as those miserable fucks stay in the water we have no problem. Sometimes those racist sharks get the best of me though like the little ignorant sand sharks. Those little ones seem harmless until you realize they come in packs and spout hurtful words in Spanish. One told me once he was going to cut me while the others licked my wounds and then finish by ridiculing me until I swam to the beach.”

2kgs: “Todd that sounds a bit ridiculous since Sand Sharks are so small and not something like a Bull Shark. I mean the Bull Sharks are the ones responsible for the deaths of most black men and midgets and that’s not coincidence in my book.”

Todd: “Believe it my friend, these sharks are relentless in their attacks on one another.  The racism in the Pacific Rim is one of the worst name calling areas in the world. I would say that 82% of all sharks have cried at least once there. A shark with hurt feelings is like criticizing a mime for doing a bad box show.”

2kgs: “That sounds pathetic that we can try to save the whales but humans could care less about saving the racism that has taken its toll on the dark world of sharks. How can we contribute in the mediation process to stop the racism? Have we tried sending Al Sharpton or someone that knows this kind of behavior”

Todd: “The sharks are just waiting for them to show up so they can take a bite out of their strong will to be equal. The Bull sharks having been requesting this action for the last couple decades. Unfortunately, we all are going to have to learn to deal with the racism in the oceans as we boat, swim, or watch Discovery channel.”

2kgs: “This is a shame to see sharks so dividing, but it’s good we are exploring the existence of grey on grey racism, color separation, and stereotypes of all kinds of sharks.”

6 Facts About Shark

• They don’t like being picked on for being grey.
• Hammerheads hate their noses and are sensitive to their Jewish ancestry.
• Never taunt a Pacific Shark for their small penis size compared to other races of sharks.
• The Maco is sensitive to trailer park types of stereotype remarks.
• The Sand sharks take the biggest hit for their Latino decent but overcome in larger groups.
• Macos once could grow handlebar moustaches until evolution took them away for misuse.

Let’s face it, sharks have a long way to go in their evolutionary trail. They have been around for more than 100 million years and still today they fight over race. As humans we can at least be glad we aren’t sharks.