Geek Stuff

Rebirth of a PC Fanboy

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This article isn’t about whether PC or Apple computers are better.  That’s an old argument that boils down to choice.  The reason I’m writing this is Adam’s article, about embracing the darkside, really stuck in my head.  There are a few things I see as problems in the resurgence of Apple as a major player.  It isn’t the fact that it’s Apple.  I don’t mind Apple computers.  It’s just not suited for me, as a user.  Also, I welcome the competition of another computer giant.  It just gives me a better, cheaper OS.  It isn’t the fact that Adam is going down a separate path, as I find him to be a terrible person and distancing myself from him, as much as possible, is a sound move.  The problem I have is with Apple, the company.  They are dicks.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Apple users are dicks.  They’re normal everyday people, like you and me.  They live, love, lose, but the influence of their dickish overlords tends to change them a bit.  They begin to develop this sense of superiority.  It’s not a “Check out how badass I am, because I have this new thing” kind of satisfaction, either.  It’s this creepy, plastic, almost religious sureness they start exhibiting, like a born-again Christian or someone who listens to Rush Limbaugh.

It got personal, a while back, when Apple went out of their way to negatively caricaturize people that didn’t use their products.  PC users were portrayed as basement dwelling troglodytes, while Mac users were shown as cool, sexy hipsters that get laid by supermodels.  I’m just glad they didn’t follow through with the “PC Users Are Fags” campaign, as was originally planned.  I was reading a tech blog, a few weeks ago, and the author of an article used the comparison that iPhone users were normal people and Android users were geeks.

That’s the kind of statement pisses me off.  Please, allow me to elaborate.

• Geeks created that shiny, funtime trinket.  It’s like driving a Corvette and thumbing your nose as some guy that built his own muscle car.  “That’s so lame to know stuff about cars, I just push down the pedal and it goes Vroom, Vroom.  That’s all I need to know.”
• Sure, it’s so easy your grandmother can use it.  My grandmother can also use a Jitterbug phone.  Is that a good reason to buy that gimped monstrosity?
• While Apple was the underdog, they aren’t anymore, holding a majority of the cellphone market and almost the entire tablet market.  I don’t begrudge them because they’re successful.  Plenty of other tech companies are successful, without being assholes; Google, for example.  Apple is now resembling their own characterization of Microsoft in the famous 1984 Macintosh commercial.  You know the one, with the compliant audience, staring at Big Brother speaking on a screen.  It’s 2010, with Apple exerting draconian controls over consumers and developers; denying/downplaying/ignoring problems with their products; Taiwanese slave labor killing themselves, rather than continuing under the shitty conditions of building iPhones; iPad commercials flashing single words, a la subliminal suggestion; vying to control the market for every possible type of media device…and Jobsie oversees it all, wearing his black turtleneck.  I foresee, very soon, he’ll don a breathing mask, ranting about bringing order to the galaxy.

See, you thought this was going to be a bash Apple users piece, but my problem isn’t with Apple users or Apple computers.  I’m just not a fan of self-righteous, power hungry, controlling, corporate cocksuckers and the companies they run.  I’m sure more than half the products I use fall in that category, they just don’t rub my nose in it.