Geek Stuff

Ask Dr. Science: Procreation

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Welcome to another column with our resident know-it-all, Dr. Science.  This week, Dr. Science tackles a tough subject of procreation.

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Dear Dr. Science,

My 3-year-old nephew would like to know: Where do babies come from? Please help! The possibility of one day having to answer this question is the reason I chose not to have children.

Random Crazy Lady

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Dear Random Crazy Lady,

I understand your apprehension, concerning this subject.  A child’s mind is a delicate thing and being too descriptive, in regards to sex, may destroy a sanitary worldview.  On the other hand, speaking in generalities may obfuscate the meaning, drowning necessary information in metaphor and symbolism.  Many adults evade this dilemma by creating fantastic fallacies, leading to trust issues between parent and child, later in life.  One must undertake this task with prudence and sincerity.  Fortunately, I’ve covered this subject matter in my most recent childrens’ companion, Dr. Science and the Fountain of Knowledge.  Here’s an excerpt that may help your situation.

Sex is neither bad nor dirty, but merely a function of nature than ensures the perpetuation of a species. In this case, the species in question is human.  Your mother and father engaged in sex to create you. Sex can be easily explained in three steps: attraction, the sexual act and birth.  Let’s begin with attraction.

Attraction is what causes the two separate genders of our species, male and female, to come together for the sexual act.  It is guided by a set of primitive, instinctual cues, which are guaranteed to produce the most healthy and able offspring possible.  For the male, the cues may be ample breasts, wide hips or various other physical features that project health and sexual maturity in the female.  The female picks up on physical cues as well and, additionally, judges her potential mate’s ability to provide for the offspring.  Feats of strength or displays of affluence from the male often fulfill this qualification.  Once the male and female are attracted, the sexual act begins.

The sexual act starts with arousal.  The two partners kiss and touch one another in every imaginable way.  This is known as heavy petting.  Heavy petting is followed by the removal of clothes.  This begins the act known as foreplay.  Foreplay consists of more heavy petting and can include mouth to genital stimulation, commonly known as oral sex.  Oral sex serves the function of further arousing the partners, before the act of penetration.  As both partners become fully aroused their bodies go through slight changes.  The male’s penis will become engorged with blood and increase in size of up to 300% (Wow!).  The female’s vagina will produce a slippery lubricant.  Now that both partner’s are fully aroused, the physical act of sex begins.  The male inserts his engorged, erect penis into the woman’s vagina.  He thrusts his penis into her body, repeatedly, until he reaches what is known as orgasm.  The orgasm yields…

Random Crazy Lady, your fears are unfounded.  As you can see, from the sample text, sex can be explained to children in a sensitive, yet realistic and scientific manner.

Sincerely,

Dr. Alfred S. Science, Ph.D