Archive for the ‘Machismo’ category
My Eye Exam and My Perfect Eyes
First, I would like to say that I have eyes only a unicorn can dream of having. These eyes slay people from 900 yards away into what’s known as “love at first sight” without missing one beat. These are the type of eyes you wouldn’t even consider putting sunglasses over in the middle of the [...]
How Much I Rock Compared to My Brother
For those that don’t know me personally, which is a complete loss on your part, I am the type of guy that isn’t shy to talk about myself. However, what some people don’t know about me is that I am humble, modest, and sometimes reserved. All of those qualities are buried deep inside me, to [...]
My Right Arm is Awesome
Arms are often underrated and unappreciated by most people just like a solid high five. I mean the arm is an extension that you use for some many things. For example, my arm is not only a pinnacle of mankind itself but also a gift to women as I lift things to and fro and [...]
Douchetastic!
I was standing in line today waiting to order lunch, when this total douche bag walked into the fast food establishment. You will notice that he looks like 200 pounds of failed abortion. Sometimes, looks can be deceiving and I know plenty of people who look like douchebags, but are actually cool as fuck. This, [...]
Breaking News: I Just Left Your Mom’s House
Around 10am, before Mike was scheduled to leave work for lunch, I was caught leaving his mother’s house. I was discovered by a neighbor, hurrying to my Honda Civic, as, no doubt, the nosy neighbor couldn’t just see, as much as smell me. It’s the paranoia feeling I get 10-15 times a day. My trivial [...]
Awesome: Not Powerful Enough
This morning I woke up bright and early to revel in the mirror before a shower. Obviously I am built like a horse with a chimney only Santa would be brave enough to get down. I cracked the eyes open as I was amazed that, today, I was more awesome than the previous day. I, [...]
General Surgeon Reviews Abdominal Counts
Six packs could be a thing of the past as the U.S. Surgeon General reviews a new report from the American Abdominal Association. The report studies the affects of aggressive and substantial eating. It seems that when a person deprives themselves of food and energy through diet and exercise the abdominal muscles form large flat [...]
U.S. Air Force Boosts Pilot Morale
The U.S. Air Force has allotted funding for FY2010 to add fixtures to their current inventory of aircraft. Taking the lead from personal truck drivers in the southwestern region of the U.S., the pilots clamored for the opportunity to transition metal bull testicles from the hitches of pickup trucks to the back of their aircraft. [...]
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