Books

The Berenstain Bears on the Moon

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When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to travel to outer space. Sitting there staring up into the sky at all the stars sparkling and at the moon that was big and bright, really got my dick hard. Books like The Berenstain Bears on the Moon brought my imagination to life. What kid would not want to travel to the moon in, oh let’s say 20 minutes or so, with their dog and get to collect moon samples and shit? I’m pretty sure the answer to that would be every kid, well unless you are queer, and would rather play dress up in mommy’s closet.

The Berenstain Bears on the Moon takes us on quite the adventure as we go from whatevercityallowsbearstohaveclothesandrockets, USA to the moon and back again. With clever slogans such as, to the moon or bust, how could they not have a blast on this adventure? This book is not only entertaining but also educational as I have now learned how to count backwards from 10-1. I also learned that you can sit a mere 10 feet away from a rocket ship as it blasts into outer space. Obviously safety was far from the minds of Stan and Jan Berenstain as they illustrated this book. Fucking irresponsible if you ask me, and if they are parents I am sure their kids probably run with scissors while playing with matches in a house soaked in kerosene.

The Berenstain Bears on the Moon was well written and followed a nice rhyming structure. However I have a hard time getting over a few things:

• How the fuck does a family of bears afford a rocket ship?

• Look at the rocket ship in the picture, where the fuck do you fit a moon cruiser in there?

• Why would they take moon notes? They are 10 for Christ sake and astronauts.

• How in Sam hell does their ship return to the exact spot it took off from? Not even NASA is that good.

• Why would you take a dog with you into space?

• Bears don’t live in trees; they live in caves, so why aren’t they depicted this way?

The list goes on and on but I think the real question here is how are these faggots so obsessed with bears that they created a whole series on bears doing unrealistic things? Honestly bears aren’t that smart and they are extremely lazy. Never the less, I did love these books as a kid and obviously they have some staying power. So to Stan and Jan (fuck you for having rhyming names) I tip my hat you for finding something so retarded that every kid in America loves it.

Overall Rating:

Moral: Bears are terrible parents that allow their children to go into outer space unsupervised.