Author Archive
Hostage Crisis
Dear Officer Policeman! Hey there, mister. I like your hat. I would like to take this opportunity to first thank you and the other fellows in blue for all the hard work you’re doing keeping our streets safe out there. I haven’t gotten rough housed by gang bangers in a coon’s age. I owe that [...]
The Big Mouth Billy Bass and the Economic Downturn
The economy is fucked up, you guys. Seriously. Shit is crazy. Ain’t nobody got jobs. Gas is 63 bucks a gallon. Three consecutive weekends, tickets to Biebs 3D has been sold out when Sharon and I got to the theatre. You know things are bad when Randy leaves American Idol. What the fuck else does he [...]
My Existential Crisis
Oh God. Who am I? What am I doing here? It’s like right when I feel like I got the hang of it, everything goes bonkerzz. I feel like a ship being tossed at sea, scanning the horizon for any beacon of reality. Inside my leaky hull are a panicky, motley crew consisting of a [...]
The New Old Me
Sharon, I’m going to be Frank. I’m better at being Earnest when I can be Frank. But I just don’t want to seem like a Dick because of how Frank I am. So hopefully, you’ll read this, realize how Earnest and Frank I am being, while simultaneously not trying to act like the Dick I [...]
The 10 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time
We love movies here at Lou Bega Called, and we know you do too. Unless you’re blind, and if so, stop reading now. We don’t want to make you feel bad for not being able to view these magnificient works of art, where celluloid is canvas, and actor is brush. But for those with both eyeballs [...]
A Letter From Hogwarts
Dear Herschel Dimpledick, We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Congratulations! However, I feel it necessary to clarify a few things before your full enrollment. I know it’s a bit of a stretch, but just in case you have read any of the J.K. [...]
The Break-Up Letter
Dear Sharon, Hey babe. This whole situation is a little awkward, so I decided to write you this letter. I felt it would be easier for me to really get out all my feelings without anyone saying something that they would really regret. I don’t want us to hold any grudges. The truth is, I met someone. [...]
Lou Bega Called, He Wants His Fedora Back
Hello, my name is PuddingThis blog is about two things: 1) The existential exploration of the world around us: relationships, love, race, religion, politics, technology, literature, episodes of Frasier, morality, life, death, and ultimately truth. 2) Getting some pu-na-naaaaaay. And just to be clear, it’s not gay for two men writing together. Like, at all. It’s [...]
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