Author Archive
Masturbation Using the Cricket
Masturbating has been a technique for men to release their divine chemicals into the world and relax a bit. It’s a true art for most aging males that we can only hope our sons will learn through the course of their lives. Some say every time you masturbate that God kills a kitten. If that [...]
Poor Service, Greed, United Airlines
I was treated to a journey to South Korea a couple weeks ago via United Airlines and this is my little report on the successes of that business trip. A few things I want to comment on with United Airlines are the obvious need for cash, the “we will hire anyone” mentality, and the look [...]
Hatorade for Hair Loss
When I see hair it makes me angry, not just like a simple anger that passes though. That anger forms into a giant bottle of Hatorade and I can’t drink enough of it. This anger comes from sweet jealousy. I haven’t had a full head of hair since 1998. I am a cross between David [...]
Filipino’s Get 7,108th Island for Free
Some people have in fact questioned the decision since technically San Francisco is not an island. The winning factor really came down to Nancy Pelosi. She has alienated the city of San Francisco to the point that 96.9% of the entire United States has stopped acknowledging the city as being part of the United States. [...]
Becoming a Moderator
Surfing forums around the internet can be a daunting task. Forums like Digital Point or Offtopic.com are huge, rule heavy, and yet uninviting. Still, even with the monster obstacles to become one with an audience I have to find a way to become a moderator on a forum. This will be one of the most [...]
Jock Strap: Up Close and Personal
5 Great things about this: 1. The sweet smell of victory. 2. 2 heads are better than one, no matter the situation. 3. Freshness does count in weird moments. 4. There was no need to whine and dine him first. 5. The best hit and run but a possible sexual predator.
iPhone 4: What Wasn’t Revealed
Steve Jobs made some exciting points at the WWDC, but there was something that was left unsaid. 2 Kilos got the scoop, from behind the scenes, that the iPhone 4 is the first homosexual creation, which will bring its metrosexual styling into the gay and lesbian mainstream. Some said it was to die for and we [...]
Free Oil from BP
The government has some serious nerve. First it’s welfare, and then social security, Medicare, and now free oil. Frankly, I am absolutely fed up with the freebies we are giving out. The free oil is the last straw for me. Watching people gear up to go to the beach not for the sun rays but [...]
Britons, Fashion…You Are the Worst Again
It’s not too often I can make fun of the British for things, other than dental hygiene and the accent. I stay awake, night after night, just thinking about those assholes across the Atlantic with their pale prostitutes and police without guns, trying to control the world through colonies. Studies show that 36% of Britons admit to obvious fashion [...]
Get Creepy…Fast
Being creepy can be off-putting for those that find the behavior unwarranted, but creeps have had a successful run over the years in bars, parties, churches, even in schools. We all remember that kid in high school, with the scraggly mustache, wearing a flannel shirt, like he worked in an auto shop. He was only 17, but could pass for [...]
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