Author Archive
Breaking News: I Just Left Your Mom’s House
Around 10am, before Mike was scheduled to leave work for lunch, I was caught leaving his mother’s house. I was discovered by a neighbor, hurrying to my Honda Civic, as, no doubt, the nosy neighbor couldn’t just see, as much as smell me. It’s the paranoia feeling I get 10-15 times a day. My trivial [...]
David’s Seeds: Don’t be the Guy Down the Hall
There is this guy, that works 20 feet away from me, that has this unfounded hatred for David’s Sunflower Seeds. Imagine that, being so un-American, as to not want to eat David’s (delicious) Sunflower Seeds. I confronted him, 9 days ago, about this problem, because I simply can’t just sit here, comfortably, knowing he doesn’t like these [...]
EA Developing Slow Pitch Game
Rumors are flying hot and heavy around the upcoming release scheduled in early December for EA’s new release entitled “Big Ballin’-Softballin’ Saga”. Originally set to release in October to keep the players in shape through the demanding months of winter. EA has said trouble in the rendering is hindering the final wrap up. Video gaming [...]
TJI: 2 Kilos Realizes Incompetence
Earlier today the two administrators that started the phenomenon called 2 Kilograms agree during a hurried press conference that “We don’t know what the fuck we are doing”. Taken completely by surprise James Whitaker from The Roving Times couldn’t form a simple question. The 2 Kilograms supergroup acknowledged that at first it was a wicked project, [...]
Awesome: Not Powerful Enough
This morning I woke up bright and early to revel in the mirror before a shower. Obviously I am built like a horse with a chimney only Santa would be brave enough to get down. I cracked the eyes open as I was amazed that, today, I was more awesome than the previous day. I, [...]
General Surgeon Reviews Abdominal Counts
Six packs could be a thing of the past as the U.S. Surgeon General reviews a new report from the American Abdominal Association. The report studies the affects of aggressive and substantial eating. It seems that when a person deprives themselves of food and energy through diet and exercise the abdominal muscles form large flat [...]
U.S. Air Force Boosts Pilot Morale
The U.S. Air Force has allotted funding for FY2010 to add fixtures to their current inventory of aircraft. Taking the lead from personal truck drivers in the southwestern region of the U.S., the pilots clamored for the opportunity to transition metal bull testicles from the hitches of pickup trucks to the back of their aircraft. [...]
North Korea Enters Small Business Age
For over a decade North Korea has only been known as a deviant nuclear state in the world eyes. They have covered the globe in fear, rhetoric, and countless Yahoo News articles that repeat the same thing over and over again. Today the Communist country breaks new ground in opening the doors technologically for soon [...]
Scientist Dream of Aliens
Often scientists have theories, projected ideas of other worlds, and perpetual models of what life could be. One scientist feels differently as for about 8 hours during an open floor session at UNLV with a group of students to discuss whether aliens could be “Douche Bags”. A highly touchy subject, Dr. Gray Witherspoon reflects on [...]
Facebook: GFY Button a Bust
After weeks of intense petitioning, Facebook reluctantly said no to GFY. Over 13,560 individuals asked Facebook to consider another option besides the Like button. The Go Fuck Yourself button could have revolutionized Facebook was the consensus at a town hall style meeting held Tuesday in the GFY Group. “Sometimes I just don’t Like something and [...]
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