Featured News
The Best of Twitter 1-30-2012
Happy 4th of July on Behalf of 2Kgs
Black People Can’t Float
How To»
Getting Laid in a Tree Fort
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How To Get A Job…If You’re An Idiot.Hello idiot. You’re applying for a job right? Great. I have two jobs. Comedy is the job I get paid for barely. ... -
I am a Bombdiggity Wife, Yo.Seriously fellas, I’m pretty fucking epic. In general, but especially as a wife. I know tons of ladies say... -
Possible responses for when your friend stumbles out of the closetLet me start this by saying, I don’t give a fuck who or what you want to touch your naughty bits against....
Movies»
Beav’s Choice Bad Movie Review: The Dungeonmaster
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Adam’s Choice Bad Movie Review: The Alley CatsAs dirty, stinky apes often do, Adam threw a handful of crap in my direction. Well, here it goes. This week,... -
Beav’s Choice Bad Movie Review: Catman in ParisI have decided to take Bogatabeav’s challenge and write the bad choice of the week on my iPad while watching... -
Adam’s Choice Bad Movie Review: Valhalla RisingI thought Adam was going to come stronger with his first bad movie pick, but he chose Valhalla Rising. Directed...
Politics»
An Asshole’s Explanation of Politics: The Basics
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WikiLeaks ‘Spy Files’ – James Bond Sold SeparatelyWarning — do not read this article if you are: a) currently under the influence of any paranoia-amplifying... -
Some Advice to Occupy Wall StreetIt seems like the Occupy Wall Street movement has been getting beat up, lately, by the cops, the media, and conservative... -
Herman Cain: Leaving Over Some AssHerman Cain. What can be said about the man who is an extraordinary multi-tasker, past presidential contender,...
Advice»
I Can’t: The Introduction
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“The Dick Method” of Picking up WomenWomen on the dating scene (by which I mean women in bars) have two very clichéd and very sad truths about them:... -
Being Pussy Whipped is UnattractiveSeriously guys. I am sick and tired of watching you all get pussy whipped by girls who aren’t even sleeping... -
Recent Articles
Holy Shit, 2Kgs Has A New Article?
I just decided to check in from my self-imposed exile. So, if you’ve happened across this article you must be asking yourself, “Why even bother?” 2Kgs has become that old shack in the woods, close to a residential neighborhood. There’s old fast-food wrappers all over the place. Local teenagers break malt liquor bottles on the [...]
Happy 4th of July on Behalf of 2Kgs
It’s time for 4th of July, American style in just a day. I couldn’t be happier to celebrate the festive holiday and get drunk in honor of the men and men that died for the freedom from the taxing assholes of Britain. I think we can be thankful that we are hardly taxed anymore and [...]
Softball Elites Can Kiss My Ass
Years ago I tended to ignore the snobbish father fucking pricks that thought they were amazing at a game of softball because to them it wasn’t just about banging mediocre chicks and getting drunk around the diamond. No, it was about hitting the big leagues and getting into Ivory League scholarships that they give for [...]
Why Donuts Piss Me Off
When I was younger, I can remember going to a place called Aromonies Bakery in Jewett City, CT. They had the best cream and strawberry donuts in the world. Yes, the world…and you can bet that. I am not saying that I am old, but those donuts cost me $.25 a piece and they hit [...]
Black People Can’t Float
I hear a lot of crazy things everywhere I go. Sometimes it’s in the grocery store, the gas station, or even at my job. The craziest thing so far is that black people can’t float. Now I need to explain how this happened and why, trust me it was more innocent than you probably expect. [...]
Getting Laid in a Tree Fort
When I was really young and just able to get myself into trouble I stumbled onto tree forts, also known as tree houses. I didn’t build tree houses because those were for fags (by fags, I don’t mean gay people…you may reference Louis C.K. All Chewed Up as he gives the best definition of the [...]
I Can’t: The Introduction
I can’t. Two simple words that can really get a point across without hardly saying a thing. I have been using that phrase lately when I see the stupid things that people do on a daily basis. I can’t, really means just that. I can’t describe what I am looking at. I can’t even fathom [...]
New York Times: Tell Us Why It’s Ethical to Eat Meat
Recently I found this article in the New York Times where they were challenging any meat eaters to write articles on why they think it is Ethical to eat meat in 600 words or less, and they have a team of vegans who are going to judge the essays and post a few in the [...]
An Open Letter to Whoever Got This Tattoo
Dear Whoever Got This Tattoo, I want to personally thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting this, and I mean that in all sincerity. Because before seeing this, I was never actually able to explain to people why I think there are individuals in this country who need to be legally castrated. [...]
How To Get A Job…If You’re An Idiot.
Hello idiot. You’re applying for a job right? Great. I have two jobs. Comedy is the job I get paid for barely. My other line of work which I get a regular paycheck for is Technical Recruiting. Basically I get companies who are hiring to use my service; helping them find the right people for [...]
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